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The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.

The line graph disseminates data about trades in three the most consistently obtained pastry in a particular bakery in the year of 2014.
Overall, in the beginning of the year bread was consumed mostly, while the least desirable were pies. Moreover in last month buns were purchased the least, however bread was still the most coveted.
In January consumption of the pies were the least, accounting for only 10 thousand dollars. Next 7 month in had been growing slightly to just less than 20 thousand, while in moths of August, September and October there was not any changes. In the final 2 month the sales increased to times from 20 thousand to 40.
Buns, on the other hand, was already consumed for 40 thousand and until May it accumulated to 70 thousand, however subsequent 4 month it did not change. However, from September to December, it dropped significantly making up for 30 thousands. Therefore bread in the commence moth was purchased for 80 thousands, however it dropped to approximately for twice, which was 40 thousands. Following 7 month the number was fluctuated, until in December it increased to the previous quantity.

6.0

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few awkward or incorrect word choices.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons.

Suggestions
  • Provide a more detailed analysis of the information presented in the graph.
  • Make more specific comparisons between the different types of pastries.