The graph below gives information on the differences in clothing exports from three different countries.
The line graph illustrates data about diffrences between clothing exports from three different countries,over a 4 year period between 1999 and 2003.
Overall,it is obvious that there was a upward trend in the amount of exports in Colombia and Myanmar.Whereas the reverse was true for Japan over the period.
Firstly,there was a sharp rise in the clothing exports of Myanmar.And with that,Colombias graph for exports of clothes had also slightly increase in the first year ,but the Japan’s clothing exports experienced a small decrease by 2000.Although,the exports of clothing witnessed a sharp decrease and hit a through, with some fluctuations during 2 years.While,other both of two countries saw a slightly increase until 2002.Regarding the export of Myanmar,It is rose significantly over the period.Despite the benefits of other both of country’s clothings worsened else again.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.
Suggestions
- Include specific data from the graph to support your main points.
- Consider comparing and contrasting the data more explicitly to highlight the differences between the countries.