The graph below gives information on the differences in clothing exports from three different countries from 1999 to 2013
The line graph demonstrates clothing export rates in 3 different countries, namely Japan, Colombia and Myanmar between 1990 and 2013.
Overall it is clearly seen
that Myanmar did not export any clothing at the beginning, then amount of
money increased in the following years, while other countries like Columbia and Japan have just fluctuated.
In 1990, the export rate of Myanmar was zero, but in 2011,the figure increased dramatically to over 900million to hit its highest point. However, by the 2012 it decreased to 350m, but next year it boomed gradually, to 440m.
The amount of money, came from exporting in Columbia and Japan was leveling out compared to Myanmar. Columbia began from 450m in 1990 and decade after it rose to 510m. Then for 2000-2012 the figure started sightly increasing.
While the figure for Japan fluctuated between 600m and 540m. Notably, they both,Columbia and Japan experienced downward trend at the end of the period.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies and the use of vocabulary could be more varied.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but these do not impede communication.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more precise comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and make more precise comparisons.
- Use a wider range of structures to discuss the data.