Through the graphs about the information that was given on the numerical of candidates for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for a range of years from 2000 to 2020.
Firstly we could identify that Film club has the most participants throughout these twenty years, while martial arts have approximately 30 up to 40 number of people who has interested on participating, nevertheless amateur dramatics participant had drop to the lowest at 2020, while the table tennis candidates that have the second lowest people who join suddenly increased throughout the year and have the second most people that participated in that activities. Although in the first 5 years musical performance has no interest in joining eventually it rises up from year per year.
Overall, we can notice that Film club has the first on number of people who had interest through this 20 years and for the least of person who has hobby
The essay attempts to describe the graph but lacks clear organization. Sentences are often fragmented and ideas are not logically connected.
Suggestions
- Organize the essay into clear paragraphs.
- Use linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each sentence contributes to the overall coherence.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies.
Frequent grammatical errors affect clarity.
The response attempts to cover the main features but lacks detail and clarity.
Suggestions
- Provide specific data points from the graph.
- Make clearer comparisons between activities.
- Summarize key trends effectively.