The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
The line graph compares how many people attended in a particular club activity in each year from 2000 to 2020 in a social center in Melbourne, Australia. Overall, except for amateur dramatics club, the interest for all the available clubs increased/did not change as reflected by the levels of participation. Notably, film club had the most number of participants across all the years.
The figures for film and martial arts clubs, following the fluctuations, stayed unchanged. Film club, starting at about 65 participants in 2000, had decreased until 2010 and reached 60 attendees. By the next decade, the number of participants showed a steady growth and came to its starting number. Martial arts, albeit less popular, followed the same trend: starting out with approximately 38, the figure increased to around 40 in 2010 following a dip and went down to 38 once again.
There was a growing interest in table tennis and musical performances clubs in the given period. That is, table tennis club had had only 20 participants by 2010, but this number had almost tripled and reached about 55 in 2020. As for the musical performances club, no interest was shown in its initial 5 year-period, but this changed in the subsequent years, with just over 10 and just below 20 participants in the years 2010 and 2020, respectively.
Amateur dramatics club, however, attracted increasingly fewer participants each year after 2005, when the figure stood at around 30. The figure continued to fall, and eventually the club was attended by only about 5 people.
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear structure. It uses appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas, though some transitions could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
- Clarify comparisons between activities more explicitly.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some instances of precise word choice. However, there is room for more varied and sophisticated language.
The essay uses a variety of grammatical structures with a good level of accuracy. Minor errors do not impede understanding.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear overview of the main trends and comparisons. It selects and reports relevant information accurately.