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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The given graph presents data about the number of attendees for 5 types of activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for every 5 years from 2000 to 2020.
Overall, the most participated film club remained stable over the period. Martial arts and table tennis fluctuated, with the latter seeing a bigger change in the middle of the period. While amateur dramatics progressively declined, musical performances which started in 2005 steadily grew.
According to the diagram, the film club participants stabilized at around 60 to 70 over the period, which makes it most visited type of activity. Martial arts also showed constant trend at around 35 and was second most popular club till the year 2015 when table tennis outstripped its position. Starting at almost 20 members, table tennis levelled off for 10 years but this was followed by dramatic increase to around 55 activists by the year 2020.
Amateur dramatics reached a highest point – 30 people in 2005 and then after meeting table tennis in 2010 at 20, the category saw downward trend constituting only 5 members by the year 2020 which makes it least popular segment. Finally, musical performances the modest category stabilizes at almost 20 people after growth to 10 members in 2010.

6.0

The essay is logically structured with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.

Suggestions
  • Use more linking words to improve flow.
  • Clarify comparisons between activities.
  • Ensure consistent time references.

The vocabulary is adequate, though somewhat repetitive. More varied language could enhance the essay.

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are some grammatical inaccuracies.

The essay addresses all parts of the task, providing an overview and details. Some data interpretation could be clearer.

Suggestions
  • Ensure all data points are accurately described.
  • Clarify comparisons between activities.