The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph compares the process of spending free time in elderly people in the united states over a period of 30 years. It is clear that hiking was the most popular activity for elderly people over the period shown. Theater provided the lowest activity that elderly people do compared other activities. In 1980, watching TV was one of the main activities for elderly people which includes approximately 60 percentof them. Reading and surfing the internet formed the lowest common activities among elderly people .in 1980, Surfing the internet provided lower than 10 percentof popularity.
The essay has a logical flow of information and ideas. However, there are some areas where the flow of information is disrupted, leading to some lack of coherence. The essay has an overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some areas where the flow of information is disrupted, such as the sudden introduction of percentages without clear context. Using transitional phrases such as “In addition,” “Moreover,” or “Furthermore” can help link ideas more smoothly. Ensuring that each sentence flows logically from the previous one can also improve coherence. If the data is complex, consider presenting it in a structured way that clearly communicates the relationships between different sets of data.
Suggestions
- Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly related to the data presented in the graph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic usage. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms such as “popular activity,” “percentages,” and “coherence.” However, there are some instances where word choice could be improved for clarity, such as “Theater provided the lowest activity that elderly people do compared other activities,” which could be rephrased as “Among all the activities, theater was the least popular for elderly people.” Additionally, be mindful of collocation issues, such as “surfin the internet,” which should be “surfing the internet.”
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay shows an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors that can affect the overall clarity, such as “watching TV was one of the main activities for elderly people which includes approximately 60 percentof them,” which should be “which included approximately 60% of them.” Paying attention to article usage and prepositional phrases can also help improve grammatical accuracy.
The essay provides a clear overview and makes relevant and accurate comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons. The essay provides a clear overview of the data, with a comparison of activities over a 30-year period. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and making more specific comparisons. For example, instead of simply stating that hiking was the most popular activity, it would be helpful to compare it with the data for other activities to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data.
- Make more specific comparisons.