The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in 3 different countries.
The line graph compares three developed countries in terms of the percentage of senior citizens during the given 100 years.
It is clear that all three countries show an increasing trend on elderly population in the following decades.Overall, Japan has the highest proportion,Sweden owns the second place and the USA had the least proportion of aged people.
Specifically, in 1940, the USA ranked first, with 9%, followed by Sweden (7%). Japan came at the bottom of the list, with 5%.Over the next few years, Sweden’s population showed a stable rising with some slight fluctuations increasing from 7% to its peak(26%).Similarly, the proportion in the USA also followed the same tendency.But it is interesting to note that the American population declined slightly in 1980 and maintain stable from 2000 to 2020.
Differently,in Japan,the population is unpredictable.The number of aged citizens shoot up dramatically from 10% to 25%, leading Japan to the country with highest population of senior citizens.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also provides specific details and examples to support the main points.
Suggestions
- Make sure to accurately interpret the data and avoid making any unsubstantiated claims.
- Check your work for errors in data presentation, such as incorrect percentages or unclear descriptions of trends.