The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The graph below compares three countries(Japan, Sweden, USA) in terms of the percentage of people turned 65 and over from 1940 to 2040.
Overall,there were moderate rises in percentage of human beings who is 65 and over in three countries. Despite a slight decline in the percentage of elder people in Japan,the figure then increased significantly,making it dominant.Some marginal growths were also observed in the percentage of elder people in USA and Sweden.
Initially, a slight decrease was observed in the rate of elder people in Japan from 5% in 1940 to 3% in 1980 over four decades, but this was followed by a recovery to 10% in 2030.However, the figure then witnessed an upward trend to 27% in 2040,making it dominant among others.
Starting at 9% in 1940,the rate for USA saw a steady rise over the next two decades.After a noticeable increase in 1980,the figure then remained stable across a fourty-year period, which was followed by a rapid growth.The figure for Sweden experienced a smooth rise in th next four decadesDespite a minimal fall in 90’s, the figure then was followed a further increase in the following two decades. By the end of the given period, the figure went up to 25%,reaching its pick in the given period.
The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions. There are some abrupt shifts in ideas.
Suggestions
- Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas.
- Include more linking words to improve flow.
- Clarify comparisons between countries.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. Some word choices are awkward or incorrect.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, affecting clarity and precision.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed data support and clear comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific data to support statements.
- Make clearer comparisons between the countries.