The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The chart gives information about the percentage of the population who are 65 and older years old between 1940 and 2040 in three countries, including Japan, Sweden, and the USA. Overall, it can be seen that all of the three countries have a similar trend that Japan is expected to see the most dramatic changes in its elderly population.
If we look at the details, the amount of older population in the USA started just under one in ten. During the two decades, the figure rose gradually at 15%. Between 1918 and 2020, the population rate went up increasingly and reached just under a quarter. As regards Sweden’s people, the proportion of older population started at 7% in 1940, and the figure rose steadily during the next 50 years. After that, it will be witnessed wild fluctuation and will finish 25%.
Another interesting point is that Japan’s population had the lowest percentage at one in twenty and during the first decade, the figure observed slight decline and reached about 3% in 2008. After that, the figure rose gradually. The final year, the figure will be observed sharp increase and will finish just over 25%.
The essay presents information in a logical order but lacks clear paragraphing and transitions between ideas.
Suggestions
- Use clear paragraphing for each country’s data.
- Include linking words to improve flow.
- Clarify the sequence of events.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety. Some word choices are repetitive or awkward.
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and some data is inaccurately presented.
Suggestions
- Ensure data accuracy, especially with dates.
- Provide more detailed comparisons.
- Clarify trends and patterns.