the graph belows the number of visitors to tree museums between 2000 and 2005.
The bar chart shows the visitor statistics for three major museums — MET in New York, Edo-Tokyo, and the National Museum in China — over six years (2000 to 2005). Overall, the visitors who went to MET, New York and National China more active rather then Edo-Tokyo which was dominant in initial year.
With regards to the number of visitors in MET in New York, it started at 12 million people in initial year and than a dramatic drop was seen in number of visitors of MET from about 12 million to just over 6 million which reached 14 million people in 2005. Similarly, the figure for National in China accounted for 6 million in 2000. Although it rose dramatically and reached just below 14 million which became a dominant figure in 2005.
In terms of the visitors of Edo- Tokyo, it started at roughly 13 million people in 2000 after which declined noticeably to 6 million. However, 3 years later and by 2005, it had rose to 4 million people.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary that is generally appropriate for the task. However, there are some issues with word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be more specific in some parts and there are a few instances of unclear or inaccurate information.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully address all parts of the task and to provide a detailed and accurate description of the data.
- Try to be more specific in your writing and to use precise language when describing the data.