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The graph shows Japanese average monthly salary (Yen) from 1970 to 2000, and the prices of black and white Television and colored Television during the same period.

The line graph shows changes in the amount of average monthly salary in Japan, alongside black-and-white television and coloured television prices in 1970 and three decades later. Units are measured in yen.
Overall, the price of colour TVs and black-and-white TVs followed downward patterns, albeit at varying rates, with the latter seeing a more significant decline. By contrast, Japanese generally saw their average monthly salary grow, though the period between 1995 and 2000 witnessed a dramatic rise.
Focusing on the decrease first, prices of black-and-white TVs and colour TVs started at 110 thousand yen and 100 thousand yen in 1970 and 1980, respectively. The figures for former and latter sharply declined, with the former seeing a more noticeable change, reaching 40,000 yen and about 65,000 yen in 1980 and approximately 1985, respectively. Both costs of TV types in the graph continued to reduce gradually during the last 2 decades, accounting for 20,000 yen and 40,000 yen.
In contrast, the average monthly salary in Japan increased over the years. Starting at 20000 yen in 1970, the amount of average monthly salary grew moderately to about 30000 yen. After that slight change, there was a considerable rise in the Japanese average monthly salary in the last about half-decade to around 70,000 yen, which was the peak level of monthly salary in average during the whole period.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer uses appropriate cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.

The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The essay also makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by making more specific comparisons.

Suggestions
  • Provide more detailed analysis of the information presented in the graph.
  • Make more specific comparisons between the different sets of data.