The graph shows the percentage households in one country that had various good between 2001 and 2008
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of houses in single country that had number of items between 2001 as well as 2008.
Overall, the longer shares of the households with items was allocated to mobile phone and internet,while CD player,computer as well as dishwasher shows moderate changes and telephone ,microwave such as clothes dryer had minor modifies.
In 2001,it was the most used phone in the household accounting for about 95 percent and microwave used by 80 percent of households and CD player by 10 percent less.This year mobile phone by approximately 25 percent of families and home computer was 10 percent higher.Clothes dryer in the families , accounting for about 60 percent .Families used the internet network less than 10 percent as well as the dishwasher 10 percent higher than that.
In 2008, the three items shows the same proportion of 90 percent namely, telephone, microwave such as CD player and mobile phone was 10 percent less .In families used home computer for approximately 65 percent as well as clothes dryer was higher only 50 percent.Households used internet network for approximately 60 percent and dishwasher was 20 percent less than internet.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph, and the writer makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the writer could be more specific in some parts and there are a few instances where the information is not accurately reported.
Suggestions
- Be more specific when reporting the information. Provide exact percentages where possible.
- Ensure that the information you provide is accurate and that you do not make any assumptions that are not supported by the data.