The graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph gives information about the percentages of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club from 1995 to 2015.
Overall, it can be seen that gym activities saw a tangible upward trend, whereas swimming experienced completely opposite trend. In addition, team sports almost remained stable ,despite they witnessed a steady rising trend.
Team sports’ participating rate remained unchanged over the first 5-year-period, with 30 percent. Then, there was a moderate growth in those numbers, with rising to 40% between 2000 and 2010. However, it dropped modestly to 30%, returned its initial rate over the next 5-year-period. Gym activities’ participation proportion saw a slight increase from 1995 to 2000, with rising to 10% from roughly 5 percent. In addition, it reached substantially close to 30% from 2000 to 2010. There was a subtle drop within the last 5 years, with fall to approximately 25%.
Swimming witnessed a moderate decline in the number of participation, with dropping to around 43% from exactly 50 percent from 1995 to 2000. In addition, there was a dramatic dip in those numbers to about 15 percent between 2000 and 2010. In the last 5-year-period, it remained stable with roughly 15%.
The essay is logically organized and the information flows well. The introduction and overview are clear and the body paragraphs are well-structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas and make your writing more cohesive.
- Consider using more varied transitional phrases to introduce new points or to make comparisons.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity and focus in your writing.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also includes relevant details and examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific data and by making more precise comparisons between the different activities.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific data to support your comparisons. For example, instead of saying ‘there was a moderate growth in those numbers’, you could say ‘the participation rate increased from 30% to 40%’.
- Make sure to use the correct terminology. For example, instead of ‘participating rate’, it would be more accurate to say ‘participation rate’.
- Try to make your comparisons more precise by using specific data. For example, you could say ‘the participation rate for team sports remained constant at 30%’, rather than saying ‘team sports’ participating rate remained unchanged’.