The graphs below compare the water levels of six cities in Australia during October 2009 and October 2010.
During October 2009 and October 2010, the six cities in Australia below compare water levels in reservoirs with maximum percentages.
Overall, Sydney and Canberra stood out, however, Melbourne showed the percentage of the less numbers among six cities. Interestingly, only Brisbane showed constant percentage during one year.
In October 2009, Sydney showed the top of percentage with almost 79%. After this rate, Canberra stood out with 78%. In this year, Brisbane showed 67% of water level and also Darwin illustrated 45%. And finally, Perth and Melbourne displayed respectively 40% and 23% at least.
in October 2010, Canberra stood out with 95% among six cities in Australia. In Sydney, water level rose in October 2010, reaching almost 82%. Shockingly, Brisbane showed 67% of water level in October 2010 like October 2009. At least Darwin and Melbourne showed low percentage which are respectively showed 40% and 25%.
The essay presents information in a logical order, but lacks clear connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Improve transitions between sentences.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are awkward or repetitive.
The essay contains grammatical errors and lacks complex structures.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed comparisons and clarity.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed comparisons between cities.
- Ensure all data is accurately represented.