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The idea of whether or not women should have equal rights to work and enhance their career with men sparks debate among individuals, dividing them into two opposing groups: supporters and opponents. Opponents consider that with taking care of children and doing housework women should be limited. In my view, there is no reason to deter women from working and developing equally alongside men in job spheres.

The idea of whether or not women should have equal rights to work and enhance their career with men sparks debate among individuals, dividing them into two opposing groups: supporters and opponents. Opponents consider that with taking care of children and doing housework women should be limited. In my view, there is no reason to deter women from working and developing equally alongside men in job spheres.
Everything in the world has it is own place and roles. Roles of women are not only about taking care of household activities and children but also about finding their own way in life and individually developing. Development of a person starts first with communicating, expressing their ideas, doing research in studies, having interest and passion towards their student life and being employed in the profession that they would suit. Men, in many countries has been believed as a people who try to manage financial problems by finding solution to them and as a caregiver in terms of earning money working and doing everything in order to combat financial duties. However, when it comes to women, they are considered as people who should stay at home by doing activities such as cleaning, cooking, ironing and whatnot and also by taking care of children. People who have such claim are the one who does not know anything.
In detail, children spend most of their time at home with their mother starting from the very fist days of their life until they get older and find own way. During this long period of life, men who are fathers do not usually spend time together with their children because of work, unless mothers are the people depending to whom the child’s future would form. Giving better explanations towards life needs self-experience that is why women should also be educated and employed. These two are the things without which life is not interesting and even compelling. There is a believe about the future generations behavior and development lies on the shoulders of parents and especially of women. Turning to other useful sides of working for females is that they would have a chance to solve monetary problems together with their husbands or family members that can improve the family’s financial situation. Being equal in every situation is necessary because in every place there are things that men can not do and vice versa.
In summary, the belief that women should have equal opportunities to work and excel is not just about fairness; it’s about creating a better future for everyone. It’s about harnessing the full potential of humanity, promoting economic growth, and ensuring that all individuals have the chance to lead fulfilling lives. Limiting women to domestic roles is not only unjust but also detrimental to societal progress. Therefore, I firmly believe in empowering women to achieve their career aspirations and contributing fully to soci
ety.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and reinforcing the writer’s stance.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
  • Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the essay.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity and precision.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the importance of women having equal rights to work and career development. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
  • Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.