The line graph shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different countries in Brighton
The line graph illustrates information about the changes in the proportions of visitors to four various attractions in Brighton from 1980 to 2010.
Overall,the proportions of foreign visitors to Art Gallery Pavilion and pier underwear significant fluctuations except for the percentage of visitors to the festival that declined slightly over time.
In 1980,30 percent of tourists in Britain visited Brighton for festivals, while those who headed to pier made up for one-third of that percentage.Meanwhile, around 23-25 percent of tourists headed to Art Galery and festivals in the same year.
Then,the flow of tourists to Art Galery saw dramatic changes in the next 10 years, rising up to 38 percent in 1985 and falling sharply to lower than its previous standing in 1990. Although this figure grew again in 1995,it gradually went down to 10 percent.Similarly,an influx of tourists was recorded in pavilions with the increase from around 27 to under 5 percent, after which this figure dropped dramatically at the beginning of 2000.
As four tourists who visited festivals,their percentage slowly decreased to about 25 percent in 1995 from being the highest in 1980, though this segment increased marginally for the rest of the period.
In contrast,a marked increase was recorded in the percentage of foreign visitors to pier in Brighton.After 25 years of fluctuation,from 1980 to 2005,the figure for tourists to Pier started increasing,surpassing 30 percent in 2010
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by ensuring that all information is accurately represented.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the data, such as the exact percentages for each attraction in each year.
- Ensure that all information is accurately represented and that the data is clearly and logically presented.