the maps above show details about the school in 1985 and present condition
The given maps display the conditions of the school previously and present.
Overall, the school has become a much more modernized building with novel pools and fitness center. An important development was the reduction in the size of playing fields.
In the first year, there was a classroom block with 2 storeys adjacent to the playgrounds. A huge library was located just beside the little car park and classrooms. Furthermore, the car park was surrounded by the roads for committing. At the time, the number of school students made at 1500.
Now, the library is transformed into the learning center with computer rooms. One of the most noticeable alternations is the diminution in size of playgrounds. New pool and sports club are introduced with the classroom blocks with 3 storeys. Additionally, new classrooms are added because of the growing number of 2300 students.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few errors that affect the overall clarity.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. The essay also makes some comparisons where relevant. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some of the more subjective language.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the changes shown on the maps.
- Avoid using subjective language and focus on providing objective descriptions of the data.