The Maps below show a beachfront area in Australia between 1950 and today.
Looking into past times- there were almost identical with the present layout. The highway was on the North of the beach with car park at the end of the road. Alongside a wide array of establishments were situated, starting with playground on the west, adjacent to dining tables where pavilion was between car park and dining tables. On the bottom side, unnamed beach was located surrounded with several recreational activity amenities. On the either sides swimming pool with width of 25 m additionally, a light house on the right side of the map.
Moving into present layout- it can be seen huge transformations. The motorway, which was not finished yet, is entirely completed by connecting two sides of the beach. The construction of a new car park on the west, results in disappearance of playground while another one is extended more or less. The beach remains the same position with the exception of surroundings buildings. Where the pool stood in past, there is now expanded into 50m simultaneously
The essay is logically organized and there is a clear progression of information. However, the use of some cohesive devices is somewhat inaccurate, and there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that the use of tense is consistent throughout the essay.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb tense or form, and some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some of the overly general or vague statements.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific details and data to support your statements.
- Avoid using overly general or vague language. Be precise in your descriptions.