THE NUMBER OF FAST FOOD CONSUMPTION AUSTRALIAN TEENAGERS.
The line graph shows information about the quantity of Fast Food consumed by Australian teenagers over a 25-year period, between 1975 and 2000.
Overall, the consumption of Hamburgers and Pizza witnessed a rise whereas the reverse true for Fish and Chips. It is also appearent that Humbergers heat the peak of the graph in the final year.
The number of Pizza and Hamburger consumption was at about 8 and 10, respectivelty in the initial year (1975). After, mild flactuation the number of consumed Hamburgers, then reached to 100 between 1975 and 1995 and reamined stable during the final 5 years. Once, reaching to 85 the amount then stayed stable between 1995 and 2000.
There was a slight decline in the number of Fish and Chips eaten by teenagers during the first five years. Before falling dramatically to approximately 38 in 2000 the number rose to 95 in 1985.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some issues with word choice and spelling.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some error-free sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors that can be distracting.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some inaccuracies.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details to support your main points.
- Avoid using inaccurate information.