The number of people employed in five types of work in Australia between 2001 and 2008
The bar graph provides information about how many people were working in five fields – Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing and Farming – in Australia over a seven year-period, starting from 2001.
Overall, while the figures for Nursing, Sales ans especially Computing registered an upward trend, the reverse was true for Accounting and Farming. Noteworthy is the fact that Sales recorded the highest figures in each year studied, while farming had the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, 2001 just below 160,000 Australians were working in sales, a figure which was then followed by a marked increase to about 170,000. Computing and Nursing had nearly identical figures of about 60 thousand in 2001
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively, and there is a clear progression throughout the essay.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words or phrases to show more variety.
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The vocabulary is generally used appropriately, with some good collocations. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are error-free. There are a few grammatical errors, but these do not impede communication.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph, and the key features are identified and described. The writer presents a good comparison of the data, but there are a few instances where the task requirements are not fully met.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. In this case, the writer could provide a more detailed comparison of the data for each field.