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The only reason people work hard is to earn more money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In an era characterized by shifting social norms and economic hardships, there is a view that the sole purpose of working hard is making more money. While financial gain undeniably serves as a powerful motivator in people’s decision to work diligently, I strongly disagree with this notion, as there are several other reasons why they exert significant effort beyond just augmenting their wealth.
There is no denying that financial incentives are a fundamental reason why people push their limits in their careers. With the soaring cost of living, high taxes, stagnant wages, and scarce job opportunities, many individuals now find it difficult to make ends meet, let alone save up for future emergencies or invest in income-generating assets like stocks or mutual funds, all of which has compromised their overall financial stability and freedom. Given these circumstances, it comes as no surprise that many individuals now work immensely hard to earn greater income. A good case in point is my home country of Uzbekistan, where working long hours has become the norm due to financial challenges.
Despite these arguments, in my view, there are many factors that drive people to work hard. For many, job satisfaction and the pursuit of passion are central to their hard work. Take, for example, Cristiano Ronaldo and Magnus Carlsen, both of whom are often regarded as the greatest of all time in their respective fields—football and chess. Making a profit was not their primary goal; rather, they worked tirelessly from a young age to hone their skills and become the best in the world. As a result of their dedication, they have achieved legendary status: Ronaldo has won numerous major trophies, such as the Ballon d’Or, FA Cup, and UEFA Champions League, while Carlsen has become world champion 17 times—five times in classical, five times in rapid, and eight times in blitz.
To conclude, although there are some reasons to put in considerable effort for maximizing profits, especially in terms of meeting financial needs and achieving financial security, I remain convinced that there are many other reasons to devote extensive time and energy, such as pursuing job satisfaction, personal passion, and achieving excellence in one’s field, as demonstrated by figures like Cristiano Ronaldo and Magnus Carlsen.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
  • Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay shows a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.

The essay addresses the task fully, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The conclusion is also clear and well-supported.

Suggestions
  • Ensure that you fully develop all of your points and provide detailed explanations and examples.