The only reason why people work hard is to earn money, and there is no other reason for doing so.
There is one main reason why people struggle to earn money, and there is no other reason to struggle., however this essay agrees to this statement and gives the reasons.
At the present time, almost everything is available for purchase, therefore people
work hard to earn a high salary from their employers, which often becomes the primary reason for
working. In other words, employees work to earn money so they can buy things that bring
them pleasure. Almost everyone has the friend who works in order to get salary and purchase that thing which can give him or her enjoyment, in general they spend their income on leisure and enjoyment.
However, there are several employees who try to show their best and spend their income on their children or volunteering if the employees are not parent. In other words, they spend their earnings to buy clothes or to provide comfort zone for their children in other to do not watch their children suffering from working in the future, whereas workers who are not parent can do volunteering activities, such as charity, helping people who are with disabilities. Our parents, especially fathers, do everything they can, often working long hours to provide for us.
In conclusion, today everybody tries to earn money to enjoy or provide comfort for others.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis statement.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph back to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage that can cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for better clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the primary reason people work hard to earn money and providing examples to support this point. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide a more thorough analysis of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis statement.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates the thesis statement.