The only reason why people work hard is to earn money, and there is no other reason for doing so. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
There is one main reason why people struggle to earn money, and there is no other reason to struggle., however this essay agrees to this statement and gives the reasons.
At the present time, almost everything is available for purchase, therefore people
work hard to earn a high salary from their employers, which often becomes the primary reason for
working. In other words, employees work to earn money so they can buy things that bring
them pleasure. Almost everyone has the friend who works in order to get salary and purchase that thing which can give him or her enjoyment, in general they spend their income on leisure and enjoyment.
However, there are several employees who try to show their best and spend their income on their children or volunteering if the employees are not parent. In other words, they spend their earnings to buy clothes or to provide comfort zone for their children in other to do not watch their children suffering from working in the future, whereas workers who are not parent can do volunteering activities, such as charity, helping people who are with disabilities. Our parents, especially fathers, do everything they can, often working long hours to provide for us.
In conclusion, today everybody tries to earn money to enjoy or provide comfort for others.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic effectively and provides a clear position. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive and provide a more thorough summary of the main points discussed.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.