The only reason why people work hard is to earn money and there is no other reason for doing so. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most people think the main aim of hard workers is goes for money, and other factors such as self-improvement, and the desire to work for a long time, can’t be real contributors. I am two-minded about this perspective, money is the best way to make lifestyle better, but people may have other factors that always urge them to work hard.
On the one hand, working hard is the common reason for making a huge budget. Once the money comes, the quality of life becomes better, that is an undeniable fact. For those purposes, most people try to do their best at work with non-stop, sleepless nights. As an example, in Western countries, rich people have never slept 8 hours in a usual day and spent 18 hours to work, for being so. Everyone wants to become rich, because “money” is like a key to all doors, but not all people are ready for to ups and downs of life.
On the other hand, the feeling of desire and self-improvement can counter idea who believes that the main purpose of hard workers is money. As for the feelings at work, the desire for work is a rare feeling among humans. This kind of people never care about money, because their brain produces dopamine while working, and they feel happier. And also, about money, it’s enough for them if their budget covers their living. Moreover, there are a lot of workers who try to improve their ability through hard working, and always hold the belief of achieving good outcomes as the expanse of sleepless nights.
In conclusion, it’s up to the person’s individuality or personality, from my personal perspective, more people tend to work hard in a dream of making huge money.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to clearly state your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would help to strengthen the overall tone.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be revised for clarity. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder clarity. For example, “the main aim of hard workers is goes for money” should be “the main aim of hard workers is to earn money.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition use, would help to improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a personal perspective. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style.