the pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.
The pie charts give information on the share of online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in two years: 2003 and 2013.
In general, the share of book and film & music saw an upward trend, whereas the reverse was true for the percentage of travel and clothes. It is also clear that in the first year, travel made up the largest segment, while the highest share belonged to film and music in the final year.
Looking at the details, in 2003, the proportion of travel comprised more than a third (36%), making it the highest share among all (in comparison with others). While almost a quarter (24%) belonged to the share of clothes, the percentage of film and music accounted for 21%. The share of books – the lowest – constituted 19%.
After a decade, the share of film and music overtook/surpassed the proportion of travel, at an almost third and 29%, respectively. As for the proportion of clothes and books, the share of the former consisted of 16%, whilst just over a fifth was made up by the share of books.
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear overview and logical structure. However, some sentences could be more cohesive.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Clarify comparisons for better understanding.
- Avoid unnecessary parentheses.
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but some phrases could be more precise.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay addresses all key features of the task, providing a clear overview and relevant details.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately described.