The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
The pie charts present information on how the motives behind teens’ phone use changed in an African country between 2016 and 2019.
In general, among four reasons, social networks saw a noticeable growth and remained the dominant figure by the end of the period. Even though the shares of email and phone calls witnessed remarkable drops, the figure for digital cameras went up considerably. Moreover, it is also worth mentioning that there had been some fluctuations in the proportions of all statistics over the period given.
2016 was the year in which social networks were recorded as the largest, with 50%, while email made up a quarter. Additionally, digital cameras and phone calls constituted the remaining quarter, the former being 15% and the latter 10%. In the following year, 2017, minor differences can be seen, as the percentage of social networks minimally decreased to 48%, and email made up half of it. For 2018, social networks were slightly more than half (51%), whereas email accounted for one-fifth. Digital cameras took place in third position with 18%. However, phone calls had almost maintained the same level compared to the previous year, accounting for 11%. Coming to the year 2019, the predominance of social networks had been unchanged, even further growing to 56%, whereas phone calls were the least popular option again, dropping to just 5%. Lastly, the figures for digital cameras and email showed nearly similar results, 20% and 19%, respectively.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer uses appropriate cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all information in the paragraph is relevant to that topic.
- Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances where the grammar could be improved for better clarity.
The essay does not address the correct topic. It seems to be a response to a different set of data or a different question. The student needs to ensure that they read and respond to the correct prompt.
Suggestions
- Make sure to always read the prompt carefully and ensure that your essay addresses the topic provided.