The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
The pie chart depicts the percentage of online sales for travel, books and clothes, film or music in New Zealand in the year of 2003 and 2013. As per the pie chart, travel, film and music covered up the largest proportion of the total online sales in both years.
The dominant online sale in the year 2003 was travel sector related products and services which accounted for 36%. But, in 2013, it dropped to 29% and became the second most popular sector of total online sales. In 2003, clothes attained the position of second major sector with 24% of overall sales. But, as the year progressed and reached 2013, it reduced by 8%.
Film and music occupied 21% of the overall sales in 2003, while it increased to 33% which attained the topmost position in 2013. In 2013, the percentage of online sales for books was 22% whereas it was a little bit lower in 2003, which accounted for 19%.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a clear progression of information.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. The vocabulary is generally used appropriately, with some minor inaccuracies.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors.
The essay provides a clear overview of the data and makes appropriate comparisons where necessary. The key features of the data are identified and described effectively.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all data is accurately reported and that any comparisons made are clear and well supported by the data.