The plans show a science park in 2010, and the same park in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two maps illustrate a layout of science park in 2010, and current appearance after redevelopment.
Overall, most of the changes have been made in the western part of the park. External features of buildings, such as cycle path, car park, have been built or restructured and while only one new building has been built, others have been changed its purpose of use to another or refurbished. Also, new transportation facilities, such as station and bus stop, have been constructed. 64
Prior to development, in the southwest part, there was a woodland with plenty trees, near the IT centre, which has the circle-shaped structure. IT centre was connected to the cyber security building, located in the east and near to another woodland, through small path. Furthermore in the south, there was a railway, runs from south to southeast and behind the cyber security building. Car park was situated in the centre and interlinked to three buildings: business units in the west, it centre in the southwest and cyber security in the southeast. There was a grassland in the northwest, next to woodland with small number of trees in the north and behind the business units building. Also, there were offices and reception located side by side in the north and connected to the road that connected to another road.
After redevelopment of the park, IT centre has been converted into innovation centre, while some amendments has been made in the cyber security building, expanding its size towards the road, runs from east to west. The station has been built in the railway and interlinked to every structure in the park, whereas woodland in the southwest and east remained stable. Although The car park has been shrunk slightly, it remained almost unchanged. Furthermore, business units remained stable ,however grassland behind it, has been replaced with research and development building and connected to the offices and university hub that has been changed with reception. While the bus station has been constructed in east, near the road, runs from northeast to east, cycle paths have been built in the both roads.
The essay is logically organized and the information is clearly and coherently presented. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to further improve the cohesion and coherence of your writing.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction.
The essay provides a detailed and accurate description of the information presented in the maps. The writer makes effective use of a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to convey the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more thorough analysis of the changes that have occurred.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed analysis of the changes that have occurred. This could involve discussing the implications of the redevelopment or the reasons for the changes.