The proportion of pupils attending types of secondary school between 2000 and 2009.
The table provides information on the percentage of students who took part in four different types of high schools in 2000, 2005 and 2009.
In general, the only community schools saw an increasing portion in terms of attendance, the reverse was true for other three sorts of secondary schools. It is also worth noting that pupils’s attending in voluntary-controlled schools experienced much more decline than other two schools in the timeframe.
In 2004, Community schools were one of the least popular seconds schools, with only 12% students. This figure jumped to 32 % in 2005 and had risen again to 58% by 2009.
In comparison, voluntary-controlled schools were the most common high schools among others in the initial year, but the figure for it plummeted to 32% in the following years,and followed by a considerable decrease to 20% in the last period.
As for others, grammar schools were also one of widespread educational places as voluntary- controlled ones in the same year, with 24% pupils, but then students’s attendance fell to 12% in 2009 from 19% 2005.The total pupils attending in specialist schools were between 12% and 10% in all three years.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and the progression of ideas is well-managed. However, there are a few instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better clarity.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice is not optimal.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where the use of articles and prepositions is not optimal.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The essay also presents a clear comparison of the data and makes some relevant observations. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making the analysis more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details when describing the data.
- Make the analysis more comprehensive by discussing the data in more depth and by making more comparisons where relevant.