The table below gives information about students studying in six departments in an Australian university in 2011.
The table provides data on six Australian university departments, highlighting the percentage of female, international, and non-native English-speaking students in the year 2011. Overall, the Humanities department had the highest proportion of females, conversely, reverse was true for Engineering. It is also worth noting that non-Australian students were registered in equivalent percentages in terms of Physics and IT.
Delving into the details, 72% of students studying in Humanities were females, dominating with its lead position across all departments. This was closely followed by Education, Physics, and Science, which constituted 68%, 56%, and 52% respectively. Conversely, two remaining departments recorded the lowest share among all departments, each making up under a fifth.
As for the students whose first language is not English, IT led with 49%, a figure which was slightly higher than the three others, with disparity ranging from 4% to 11%. Humanities and Education, however, had the smallest rates with 12% and 16% respectively.
Moving on to the students who were not born in Australia, identical patterns could be observed in Physics and IT, both accounting for 56%. Moreover, Engineering rated second, with a 48% share of students. Once again, figures for Humanities (20%) and Education (23%) were the least, while Science comprised just around a third.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer uses appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer makes appropriate comparisons and provides relevant details.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all comparisons are clearly made and supported by the data in the table.
- Make sure to use the data from the table to support all of your statements.