The table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries in Australia between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The presented table compares the percentage of workforce employed in 6 different industries in Australia between 20years.(from 1989 to 2009).Overall, all of the industry sectors other from manufacturing and retail are increased during this period.
In 1989,the highest figure experienced in manufacturing with 15%,while tourism witnessed the lowest with around 3 times less than manufacturing.Trends for healthcare and construction was 9.6% and 7.6%,respectively.Retail industry saw the second highest workforce employed with 11.8%,however,education was at just 6.8%.
In 2009,healthcare industry was the highest percentage with 11.3%,which experienced an increase during 20-year period.Manufacturing and retail industries declined to 9.8% and 10.1%,respectively.The lowest figure stayed in the same industry,albeit with an increase to 7.3%.Construction and education stayed in the same place too,but with a rise to 8.3% and 7.5%
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The writer uses appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas and make the writing flow smoothly. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to vary your linking words and phrases to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all the information in the paragraph is relevant to that topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances where grammar could be improved for better clarity.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes appropriate comparisons where relevant. The key features and significant trends are identified and supported with specific data. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and explanation of the data.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more detailed analysis and explanation of the data. This could involve discussing the reasons for the trends or the implications of the data.