The table below shows the employment of students from four counries in the UK after their first courses in 2001.
The table compares the proportions of students from four different countries employed in three categories in the United Kingdom after their first courses in 2001.
Overall, while permanent employment was mostly preferred by all students from the four countries, the reverse was true for overseas employment. In addition, although students from Northern Ireland were less interested in permanent and temporary employment, the figure for them in overseas employment had the highest percentage.
In detail, students from Scotland had the highest rate in permanent employment, with 43.6%, followed by 20.2% in temporary employment. About 2.6% of students from Scotland were employed in the overseas sector (a total of 66.4% employment). Similarly, the rate of English students was considerably higher in permanent employment (33%) than that of temporary employment (23%), while overseas employment had the lowest proportion, with just under 3%. (a total of 58.3%).
In the remaining two countries, the percentages of students in these three sectors were a little lower than in the above countries, with 30% for permanent employment for students from Wales and 20% for Northern Ireland. Approximately 12.4% of students from Wales applied for temporary jobs, while the rate was a bit lower, at 8.6%, in Northern Ireland. Finally, despite having the lowest proportions in almost all sectors, the percentage of Northern Ireland students had by far the highest rate in overseas employment, at 5%. (a total of 45.3% and 33.6%, respectively)
The essay presents information logically and clearly, with a good use of cohesive devices. However, some sentences could be more concise.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Avoid repetition of similar ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary effectively, though some phrases are repetitive.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay addresses all parts of the task, providing a clear overview and supporting details. However, some areas could be more detailed.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed comparisons between countries.
- Clarify the significance of the data presented.