The table below shows the employment of students from four countries in the Uk after their first courses in 2011
The table gives information about the amount of graduates from various United Kingdom univirsities in employment in 2001.
Overall,it can be seen that graduates of Scotland and England accounted for highest number over the given time period. Moving to a more detailed analysis,permanent employment from Scotland started at the high level in the chart in 2001,around 43,6%,and then overseas employment made up 2,6 percent.In the next stage, the second highest score was permanent employment from England in 2011,but temporary employment decreased slowly to 23% over this year. Finally,in 2011,total employment represented about 58,3%. When it comes to permanent employment from Wales was 30 percentage in 2011 but the figure declined sharply to 12,4% and this ended approximately 45,3% during this year. In the final stage, Northern Ireland began at 20 interest and then there was a small decrease at 8,6% but then it accounted for around 33,6% in total employment
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding the use of ambiguous terms such as ‘interest’
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and examples to support your main points.
- Avoid using ambiguous terms such as ‘interest’ and ensure that your writing is always clear and easy to understand.