The table below shows the employment of students from four countrues in the UK after their first courses in 2001
THE TABLE GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT THE EMPLOYMENT OF STUDENTS FROM 4 COUNTRIES IN THE UK AFTER THEIR FIRST DEGREE GRADUATES IN 2001.
OVERALL, RATE OF PERMANENT EMPLOYMENTS OF FIRST DEGREE GRADUATES FROM DIFFERENT UK UNIVERSITIES IN 2001 WAS THE HIGHEST OF TOTAL EMPLOYEMENTS BUT THE REVERSE WAS TRUE PROPORTION OF OVERSEASE EMPLOYMENTS. IN ADDITION, SHARE OF TEMPORARY EMPLOYMENTS FROM RANGE UK UNIVERSITIES IN 2001 WAS AVERAGE ON THE TOTAL EMPLOYMENT.
ON THE ONE HAND, WHILE THE RATE OF PERMANENT EMPLOYMENTS DOMINATED ALL UK UNIVERSITIES: SUCH AS, SCOTLAND, ENGLAND WALES, AND NOTHERN IRELAND WAS WITH 43.6 PERCENT, 33 PERCENT, 30 PERCENT AND 20 PERCENT PERFECTIVELY. HOWEVER, PROPORTION OF OVERSEAS EMPLOYMENT ON THE TOTAL EMPLOYMENT WAS THE LOWEST ALL UK UNIVERSITIES, FOR INSTANCE, SCOTLAND, ENGLAND, WALES AND NOTHERN IRELAND WAS WITH 2.6 PERCENT, 2.3 PERCENT, 2.9 PERCENT AND 5 PERCENT RELATIVELY.
ON THE OTHER HAND, SHARE OF TEMPORARY EMPLOYMENT ON THE TOTAL EMPLOYMENT FROM FOUR COUNTRIES IN THE UK WAS MODERATELY, INCLUDING SCOTLAND, ENGLAND, WALES AND NOTHERN IRELAND WAS PROPERLY WITH 20.2 PERCENT, 23 PERCENT, 12.4 PERCENT, 8.6 PERCENT.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the table and makes appropriate comparisons where necessary. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed explanations and analysis.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more detailed explanations and analysis in your introduction and conclusion.
- Incorporate specific data from the table to support your points.