the table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five countries
The table compare five countries by the percentage of womens in the workforce and the proportion of female managers.
Overall, Japan has the most womens working, while Egypt has the least. In terms of managers, United States and Australia are leading, but Sri Lanka has the lowest.
Japan have 48% of its workforce as womens, which is the highest in the table, but only 17% of managers are female. In the United States, 46% of workforce are women, and they also have 43% of managers being women. Australia is similar, with 42% women in work and 43% as managers.
On the other hand, Sri Lanka and Egypt have very low figures. In Sri Lanka, 41% of workers are womens but just 9% managers. Egypt is the lowest, with only 20% women in workforce and 12% in management roles.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of collocation. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of control of grammatical features. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the writing.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes appropriate comparisons. However, the task is to compare and contrast, and the essay does not address this aspect fully. The essay could be improved by providing more analysis and explanation of the data.
Suggestions
- Include a more detailed analysis and explanation of the data.
- Make sure to address all parts of the task.