The table below shows the proportion of workforce who are women and the percentage of managers who are women in five different countries.
The table shows the proportion of women in the workforce and the percentage of women who are managers in five different countries. The countries are Australia, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Japan, and United States.
Overall, most of the countries have less women as managers than in the workforce. However, Australia stands out as the only country where the percentage of women managers is higher than the proportion of women in the workforce.
In Australia, forty-two percent of the workforce are women, and the percentage of managers is forty-four percent. Similarly, the United States has high figures, with forty-six percent of women in the workforce and forty-three percent of managers.
On the other hand, Egypt, Sri Lanka and Japan have much lower figures for women managers. In Egypt, only twelve percent of managers are women, even though twenty percent of the workforce is female. Sri Lanka has forty-one percent women in the workforce, but just nine percent of managers. Japan has the highest proportion of women in the workforce, at forty-eight percent, but only seventeen percent of managers.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The information is sequenced in a way that makes it easy to follow the comparison between the countries. Transitions between sentences are smooth, contributing to good cohesion.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to further improve the flow of your writing.
The vocabulary used is appropriate and sufficient for the task. The writer uses a good range of vocabulary to describe statistical data and make comparisons. There are no significant issues with word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a variety of grammatical structures. There are no significant grammatical errors, and the sentences are well-structured.
The essay provides a clear and accurate summary of the information presented in the table. It addresses the main features and makes relevant comparisons between the countries. The task is well achieved.
Suggestions
- Ensure that all numerical data is accurately transcribed. There is a minor error in the percentage of women in the workforce for Japan. It should be 50% instead of 48%.