The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given line graph provides information on the obesity rate throughout the period of 35 years. The four given graphs represent different demographics, from 18 to 74 years old.
Overall, all four of the age groups experienced a growing trend, with the age group of 45-64 being the leader in the obesity rate. Meanwhile, the smallest percentage of overweight people in the age group from 18 to 29 was significantly lower.
In terms of the age groups between 18 and 44 years old, it is seen that obese people aged between 18 and 29 had been 7.5% of the whole population in 1971. The percentage had been growing rapidly since 1976 until 2001. In 2003 the percentage of people suffering from obesity was around 24%, at the end of the period the obesity rate accounted for slightly less than 25% of the population. Moreover, in 1971 people aged between 30 and 44 had had 15% obesity rate, which dramatically shot up to approximately one third of the population by 1999. In 2001, the obesity rate experienced a slight decrease by 1%, however, it continued to grow until the end of the period. In 2005, the obesity rate was a little bit more than 35%.
In regards to the demographics from 45 to 64 years old, the group aged from 45 to 64 started off at 17.5%, and had been massively growing until 1999. In 2001, the percentage went down from 36 to 35.5 percent and in 2003 the obesity rate accounted for approximately 34%. Meanwhile, the oldest age group had a starting point at 17.5%. The percentage had been escalating since then up to 35.5%, until it stopped growing in 1999. The rate didn’t experience any changes until 2005, in the period of 2 years, the rate had dramatically rocketed up to 40% percent.
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear overview and separation of age groups. However, some transitions between ideas and sentences could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use clearer transitions between paragraphs.
- Avoid repetition of similar phrases.
- Ensure logical flow between points.
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with some good attempts at complex language. However, there are some instances of repetition and minor errors.
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent minor errors that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task, summarizing and comparing the obesity rates effectively. However, some details are slightly inaccurate.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately represented.
- Highlight key trends more clearly.