The table shows the proportion of fifty-year-old adults who were never married over five decades in Japan. The chart represents Japanese marriage and divorce rates from 1970 to 2016.
The diagrams present information about marriage rates in Japan. While the table illustrates how the percentage of unmarried 50-year-old adults changed over five decades, 1970-2010, the line graph represents the changes in marriage and divorce numbers from 1970 to 2016.
Overall, it is readily apparent that the proportion of 50-year-old Japanese adults exhibited a consistent increase over the given period. Meanwhile, opposite trends were observed in marriage and divorce rates, with marriage rates showing an overall decline.
According to the table, there was a continuous incline in the proportion of adults who were never married in Japan. Standing at a meager 2 percentage-point in 1970, this figure then reported a doubling the following decade. The third decade saw further increase to 7 percentage-point, which eventually more than doubled with a staggering 15 percentage-point in the final decade.
The analysis of marriage and divorce portrayed a reversed pattern. Although the number of marriages at the start of the period was an impressive 1.000.000, it fell significantly to 600.000 in 2016. As for the divorce rates, the number experienced a more than twofold growth, increasing from the initial 100.000 to approximately 230.000 at the end of the span.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the information. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and the progression of ideas is smooth. However, there are a few areas where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better clarity.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. For example, when introducing the second diagram, you could use a phrase like “In contrast to the trends observed in the table,” to clearly signal the change in focus.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a variety of complex structures and is generally accurate in terms of grammar. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed.
The essay provides a clear and detailed overview of the information presented in the diagrams. The key features are identified and described appropriately, and the essay is well-organized with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of some data could be more precise to better illustrate the trends and comparisons.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more precise data when describing the diagrams. For example, instead of saying “an impressive 1.000.000” at the start of the period, it would be more accurate to say “1,000,000” to match the format used in the rest of the essay.