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The two pie charts below compare employment patterns in Great Britain by sex in 2010.

The graphs depict data about the proportion of different workers by gender in Great Britain in the year 2010.
Overall, men were mostly employed in professional or managerial work, while the other manual was the most common job among women. General laborers represented the least portions of the charts among both genders.
Turning to the details, almost 90% of males were employed in just three different work sectors. Those three were managerial & professional, other manual, and crafts or similar career jobs, with 38.0%, 28.0%, and 21.0%, respectively. While other non-manual (6.0%) and clerical (5.0%) jobs made up slightly more than a tenth, general laborers only made up 2.0% of all the men employed in Great Britain in 2010.
As for the women, artisan women doing other physical work comprised approximately one-third of all the women in the employment, with 32.0%. Shop assistants made up 30.0%, becoming the second most popular job among women at the time. However, the share of the third most common category of work, managerial and professional careers, accounted for only 22.0%. This figure was significantly lower than the top two categories. The remaining three job types accounted for a total of 15.0%. Specifically, other non-manual groups constituted 11.0%, artisans (crafts) for 4.5%, and general laborers only 0.5%.

7.5

The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. Information is logically presented, and there are clear paragraphs.

Suggestions
  • Use more linking words to enhance flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary with some precision, though there is room for more varied expressions.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.

The essay effectively addresses the task, summarizing key data and making relevant comparisons.

Suggestions
  • Ensure all key data from the charts are mentioned.
  • Provide a clear overview at the beginning.