The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that work days should be shortened and weekends extended. I agree with this viewpoint since in some countries of the world there is a population decline due to low birth rates. Moreover, people can pursue learn during their weekends so it contributes to the countries economy and other aspects.
Low birth rates cause a population decline, which is a pressing issue for governments and could lead to their disappearance if not addressed. To address this issue, governments should promote policies that allow couples more time to bond and potentially have children. Thus, it could encourage them to consider having a child, as they will have more time to bond and prepare. Importantly, it can help people avoid burnout and address other mental health issues such as depression. This also encourages individuals to have have a better mood at work and increase their productivity.
Extension of weekends can also lead to another advantage of people having more time for education which most people could have missed while they were studying at school. A well-educated nation is more likely to excel in the global economy. Such small changes can result in big success stories. Other countries expected South Korea to take at least 100 years to regain its dominance in Asia, but the country used the strategies mentioned above and has surpassed everyone’s expectations, returning to dominance in 20 years.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that extending weekends can be beneficial in various aspects for both individuals and the government, and it can also help solve many other problems related to people’s mental and physical health.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the argument.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the potential benefits of a shorter working week and extended weekends. The writer takes a clear position and supports it with relevant arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.