The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that work days should be shortened and weekends extended. I agree with this viewpoint since in some countries of the world there is a population decline due to low birth rates. Moreover, people can pursue learn during their weekends so it contributes to the countries economy and other aspects.
Low birth rates cause a population decline which means that the government is likely to vanish if necessary steps will not be taken. To combat issue, governments should allow more time for couples to bond with each other. Thus, they will spend more time thinking about having a child. Interestingly, not only it allows people to avoid burnout, deal with depression, and etc. This also encourages individuals to have have a better mood at work and increase their productivity.
Extension of weekends can also lead to another advantage of people having more time for education which most people could have missed while they were studying at school. If the nation is well-educated, then it is more likely that the nation is going to exceed in world economy. Such small changes can result in big success stories. For example, South Korea, a country who suffered after World War 2. Other countries expected South Korea to not regain its dominance in Asia for at least 100 years, but this country had used the method that has been mentioned above and it has exceeded everyone’s expectation by returning its dominance by 20 years.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that people extension of weekends can be beneficial from all the aspects of the government and it also solves many other problems related to person’s mental and physical health.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. These could be addressed to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments.