These days, in many countries fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?
Currently, there has been a sharp drop in the number of people who would like to become teachers, especially in elementary schools. There are several reasons behind this issue including the lack of respect towards teaching professionals as well as low monthly income. And, the problem can be tackled by punishing students who do not show enough respect and increasing the teachers’ salaries.
Among many reasons, the lack of respect shows towards teaching experts seems to be a significant one. What I mean by this is that pupils at school do not come to the lessons on time, fail to finish up their daily home assignments or talk back to their coaches when they get scolded for a form of misbehavior. If a teacher physically punishes a pupil, the parents usually fight against the teacher for his or her actions. In order to effectively address this issue, a punishment system should be created and students who misbehave during a class should be severely punished.
Another reason for this problem is the low average income that teachers receive on a monthly basis. In other words, teachers are usually paid much less money than the experts in other fields get such as law, agriculture or medicine. For example, a neighbor of mine is a teacher and another one is a doctor. They both bought a car last year and it took the teacher 3 years to save up money enough to purchase a private vehicle whereas it took the doctor only one year. To resolve this issue, the government should increase the salaries for the school professionals significantly.
In conclusion, several factors are contributing towards the sharp reduction in the number of people who are willing to become teachers at schools including but not limited to insufficient level of respect along with unsatisfactory amount of monthly wages. These can be tackled by introducing a severe punishment system for disrespectful students and offering a far higher amount of earnings to these experts respectfully.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the connection between different ideas could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve the overall readability.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “talk back to their coaches” should be “talk back to their teachers,” and “unsatisfactory amount of monthly wages” should be “unsatisfactory monthly pay.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be improved. For example, “a punishment system should be created and students who misbehave during a class should be severely punished” could be rephrased as “a disciplinary system should be established, outlining clear consequences for student misbehavior during class.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decline in the number of people wanting to become teachers and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue, such as lack of respect for teachers and low salaries, and proposes specific solutions, such as implementing a punishment system and increasing teachers’ salaries. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples.