These days people prefer to watch live performances (Shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a changing trend in the attitude of people’s preferences in today’s rapidly evolving world. Getting straight to the point, modern people prefer to watch their favorite shows or concerts online, using external engagements like television, phone and laptop rather than taking part in live events. I strongly agree with this proposal for two main reasons and potential consequences will be covered altogether.
Admittedly, watching live performance of famous influencers at home can be costly beneficial and time-saving in the long run. Ordinary individuals could not be allowed to enter the concert area since they should purchase a ticket for concert which may cost fortune by the time. The reason why the bookings of some important public figures could be too expensive is that it assists them cover all monetary problems such as for the place they have rented and the income of groupmates as a whole, as well as some money to be spent on some digitally powered musical instruments and electricity. Therefore, people tend to use internet for seeing the perform of their celebrity in technology advanced era.
Occasionally, the rise in the number of cars could also have a significant influence for some human beings to go outside for face-to-face events. This is because the average rush hour in urban life is about 2-3 hours, leading more exploited areas to be crowded by many vehicles, which often annoys the citizens to be stuck in traffic jams for hours, causing the stress relief. Meaning, every time people utilize on public transports including bus and subway service, they will get stressed out and feel insure which might be the consequence of personal aggression.
In my opinion on the other hand, this is a sign of cultural loss and traditional mixtures. For clarifying this perspective in depth, we need to consider the fact that the number of audience participating at live concerts is deliberately decreasing, affecting upcoming generation with their less participation to cinema, drama and theaters. The importance of engaging in drama shows should not be neglected because it symbolizes the cultural heritage of nations and sympathize various emotions which puts more contributions in terms of fund-raising and worldwide popularity for betterment of a particular country.
In conclusion, with all positive and negative developments of this phenomenon to be included as a balanced approach, going to live concerts is still beneficial as it seems to keep tradition from external loss in my point of view.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and connect them back to the main point of the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Consider providing a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly restates your position.