Today our communications, medecine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our relience on computer technology has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
By virtue of the state-of-the-art technological advancements, it has become increasingly common for our communications, healthcare, and mobility systems to rely heavily on digital technology, particularly in prosperous countries. While this dependence has brought clear benefits, I firmly believe that our reliance on computer technology has also given rise to a potentially precarious scenario.
Admittedly, there can be certain positive aspects of digital technology. Chief among them is the integration of autonomous vehicles in transportation. It is because humans can fail as drivers due to a variety of reasons, such as sleep deprivation, substance abuse, or road rage. In other words, there are many accidents happening because of drivers’ faults, whether they are related to falling asleep, driving under the influence, or a failure to control one’s emotions while driving. However, driverless cars, equipped with advanced sensors and machine learning algorithms, do not have any habitual behavior of a human, meaning they have the potential to revolutionize mobility systems and succeed in driving safely, unaffected by many of the factors mentioned above.
The introduction of artificial intelligence (AI) to healthcare is another notable benefit of technology. When individuals have implemented AI technology into medical practice, AI algorithms have demonstrated greater speed and accuracy in diagnosing diseases, analyzing complex medical data, namely imaging results and genetic information, as well as detecting patterns that might be overlooked by human doctors. This capability has allowed healthcare professionals to be able to make more informed and timely treatment decisions, thereby leading to improved patient outcomes and a reduction in human error. In a context where medical challenges are progressively evolving and becoming more pervasive, integrating AI into clinic practice takes on added significance in terms of improving the overall efficiency of healthcare systems.
Despite these arguments, in my view, drawbacks bear greater weight. Key among them is perhaps overuse of digital technology. If individuals use digital technology with any sort of regularity, especially social media platforms, including Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, they are more likely to spend excessive amounts of time online and develop bad relationships with technology, regardless of how disciplined they are, which may lead to erosion of familial and social bonds. As a consequence of a decline in communication, they experience increased stress levels, thus exacerbating feelings of loneliness and social isolation, ultimately resulting in mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. At a time when a reduction in social interaction with family members and peers has already reached epidemic proportions, our dependence on digital technology might escalate the present issues, such as communication barriers and a lack of emotional connection.
In general, although I acknowledge the merits of our relience on computer-based systems, especially in terms of improved transportation and healthcare systems, it seems to me that they still pale in comparison to the aforementioned downsides, like reduced interpersonal connections with family members and close-knit friends, as well as the worsening of mental health issues.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
“Admittedly, there can be certain positive aspects of digital technology.” This sentence could be more smoothly connected to the following paragraph, which discusses the benefits of digital technology in healthcare and transportation.
“However, driverless cars, equipped with advanced sensors and machine learning algorithms, do not have any habitual behavior of a human, meaning they have the potential to revolutionize mobility systems and succeed in driving safely, unaffected by many of the factors mentioned above.”
“Despite these arguments, in my view, drawbacks bear greater weight.” This transition could be more explicit to connect the discussion of the drawbacks of digital technology with the previous paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
“It is because humans can fail as drivers due to a variety of reasons, such as sleep deprivation, substance abuse, or road rage.”
“This capability has allowed healthcare professionals to be able to make more informed and timely treatment decisions.”
“As a consequence of a decline in communication, they experience increased stress levels, thus exacerbating feelings of loneliness and social isolation, ultimately resulting in mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.”
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is mostly accurate. However, there are a few minor errors.
“It is because humans can fail as drivers due to a variety of reasons, such as sleep deprivation, substance abuse, or road rage.”
“This capability has allowed healthcare professionals to be able to to make more informed and timely treatment decisions.”
“As a consequence of a decline in communication, they experience increased stress levels, thus exacerbating feelings of loneliness and social isolation, ultimately resulting in mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.”
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more comprehensive. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive aspects of digital technology in communications, healthcare, and mobility systems, as well as the negative impacts. The writer presents a clear thesis in the introduction and supports it with well-developed arguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive in addressing the overall impact of digital technology on daily life.
Suggestions
- Consider summarizing the main points made in the essay to provide a more comprehensive conclusion.