Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an opinion that the education of the students is overly emphasized, and the government needs to spend more money on leisure activities of young individuals. While I agree that authorities pay too much attention to the eduction, I strong oppose the notion of spending more money on free time activities.
The government should allocate money for leisure activities such as sports equipment because if they are going to focus on spending money to it, more student encouraged to be healthy and fit. So it can be stimulative to them to start more time for resting and focusing on themselves rather than education. Moreover, stress levels in students would be lower and they could focus better on their studies.
It can be motivating and healthy to the students if state will invest more money on sports , but when it comes to other activities, for instance, video games, movies and time-killer apps. Not only is it going to affect to their mental health negatively, but also decline interest to their studies. On top of that, students are addicted to those time-killers which is why they show worse academic perfomance.
Instead of focusing on developing leisure activities, the governance should prioritize education. Due to the fact that administration need the intelligent nation more than a sporty one. The more smart nation became, the stronger country’s economy.
Score?
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less clear. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas can be weak or unclear.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and there is a good range of grammatical constructions. However, there are some errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion could also be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support the argument.
- Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating the position more clearly.