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Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education has always been a top priority for nearly everybody and hence governments usually allocate a great amount of funds to higher educations like colleges and universities. It is claimed that more should be given to improve pastime facilities. I completely agree with this notion because leisure time activities like sports or other outdoor hobbies give people the opportunity to not only have some fun but also to maintain and increase their physical strengths and energy levels.
Being a student is an inevitable stage of humans since to continue their lives better and gain employment young people need to study at universities and colleges, gaining necessary knowledge and skills. The majority of people need financial assistance at this point because higher education requires more amount money to pay, so governments help capable and skillful students in need to pursue their majors by paying their tuition fees. This does not only help the students to get qualifications but it also helps the society and the country itself since people need more educated people to maintain financial status and reputation of the country. For instance, developed countries like the USA or Germany have invested a colossal amount of money in education system and, in turn, they have gotten many people with decent literacy levels and, in addition, it helped them to promote their universities without too much advertisement.
Nevertheless, governments should consider improving social lives of people as well. Allocating more money on free time activities for youth is the best way, as they need more time to unwind and rest. Outdoor activities like walking or playing some sports can help young people spend their time meaningfully. People should not only think about studying or making money because the body also needs some treat and rest; excessive amount of work can lead to burnout consequently making people mentally tired. Governments should encourage people to take a break from their studies and workplaces by investing more money in the advertisement of outdoor sports like tennis, football or other amenities to help people stay physically active. For example, as a teacher, I need some days off to recover from long hours of work to maintain my energy and excellence in my workplace, and I need closer sports zones or gyms to both have fun and become physically stronger.
In conclusion, people in higher ranks in most countries mainly think about the betterment of people’s education and the country’s reputation, that is why they spend a lot of money on education of young individuals. However, people need to stop their works and studies to keep the balance between work or study and life; hence, governments should start to focus on improving pastime facilities for people.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the overall quality of the writing.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the overall quality of the writing.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of not overemphasizing education and considering the well-being of the entire population. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from a more thorough discussion of potential counterarguments.

Suggestions
  • Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
  • Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.