Topic: Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this? What can be done about this?
In today’s society majority of humankind is being ignored by each other because of digital communication development, busy lifestyles with time constraints and a significant increase in the number of villains, causing mistrust and fear. To tackle this issue, organizing community-related events and activities may be possible ways to make individuals aware of their neighbors.
In various parts of the world, many people are obsessed with working and not having enough time for their family-related gatherings or hanging out with friends since they consider the viw that, the more they work, the more they earn. Numerous of them have taken up nine-to-five jobs and they are not giving them chance having extra time apart from their work life-balance and interacting with others. In some cases, this full-time jobs are considered to be good point by middle-income families in order to gain higher. According to many residents, middle-income families consists of larger part of the society.
Additionally, as technology-development being increased year-by-year, communication between people is becoming through social media, at times this situation is isolationg relationships and friendships amoung them. Resultanly, they are relying-on their technologies instead of humanity but not only there is being rise in the number of stealers and burglars in public places but also person’s personal datas are being taken by hackers on the social medias and they are being spreaded without individuals’ permissions. Thus, they are feeling of hesitation as well as and distrust other human- beings too.
Despite this facts, there is an additional option to make neighbours familiar to each other and build strong trustworthy realationship between them is gathering more communitiy events and clubs-based on relativity amoung their neighbourhood cause this entertainment can allow them feel the sense of understanding and assisting each other when they need help in some regular situations. For example, in South Korea ordinary community is aimed to join sports club and do both phisical activities and work despite their ages. This thought helps many elderlies to keep fit and stay health and being far away from unhealthy lifestyle and fully-active on a daily bases.
In conclusion, in today’s 21th centry encouraging humans to assist each other on a regular bases when they face some difficulties and promote the sense of humanity, especially let them know each other better can be easily solve by increasing the number of both phsical and mental activities and community-related gatherings amoung them.
440 words
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each cause, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with smoother transitions and clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. The use of linking words and phrases is somewhat inconsistent, which can make the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the thesis.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a good range of language. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “digital communication development,” “busy lifestyles,” and “trustworthy relationships.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument and engage the reader.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain reader interest. However, there are some grammatical errors that can affect the clarity and readability of the essay. For example, “stealers and burglars in public places” should be “thieves and burglars,” and “person’s personal datas” should be “person’s personal data.” Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to strengthen the argument and engage the reader.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the lack of neighborly interaction and suggesting solutions to address this issue. The writer presents a clear thesis in the introduction and provides relevant explanations and examples to support the main points. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused and concise thesis statement and a stronger conclusion that reinforces the main points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.