Two pie charts
The two pie charts illustrate children who learned musical instrument between 1996 and 2016. Units are measured in percentages
Overall, the first year the figure of not learning a musical instrument was the highest percentage while learning a musical instrument was the smallest. Over the given year two figures changed in other percentages
With regard to not learning musical instrument, in 1996, this was the highest percentage than learning a musical instrument, the percentage of learning a musical instrument organize 44% because in 1996 people don’t like to learn musical instrumen
The percentage of not learning a musical instrument has become the smallest percentage with 24% this figure showed a highest percentage in the first year but in 2006, sharply decreased from 56% to 24%. The index of learning a musical instrument increase to 76% this figure has become in 2006, but this figure was the smallest indicator with 44% in 1996
The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are abrupt and unclear.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
- Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and progression.
Limited range of vocabulary with some repetition. Some word choices are inaccurate or awkward.
Frequent grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. Limited range of grammatical structures.
The essay addresses the task but lacks clarity and detail. Some information is inaccurately presented.
Suggestions
- Provide clearer comparisons between the two years.
- Ensure accurate representation of data from the charts.
- Include more detailed analysis of the changes over time.