We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?
In this fast faced world ,humans are more relying on the technology which are computer based , with that being said technology may replace people’s obligations or jobs in the
near future.this development is much more successful even though it has several drawbacks .
Nowadays technology is developing rapidly and this trend may modernize year by year .How? For example there might be more jobs done by robots increasing jobs efficiency and productivity .Moreover this type of machine can do works which are even risky that humans are unable to make it. Additionally increased automation in various industries will bring more benefit .the reason for this is machine work without break and don’t need any food items so the companies don’t spare money for that .Furthermore during the process of work robots or machines are managed by artificial intelligence which means they don’t make any mistakes and this job promotes the quality of products .
Virtual reality also gives more opportunity to humans to work .when people leave far away from their home or they are disabled that they can’t afford to commute to the workplace due to their health problems ,they will be able to work from home through technological tools such as computers or laptops .In addition, individuals avoid paying transportation fees and overspending their time on the way.
In conclusion
Development in technology will bring many benefits for people such as productivity or work efficiency in industrial companies and support individuals by letting them work from home .
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as “productivity,” “automate,” and “virtual reality.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, such as “fast faced world” (should be “fast-paced world”) and “work without break” (should be “work without breaks”). Overall, the vocabulary is appropriate for the topic and the context, but the essay would benefit from a more varied and precise use of language.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall flow and readability. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved for clarity and accuracy. For example, “Virtual reality also gives more opportunity to humans to work” could be rephrased as “Virtual reality also provides more opportunities for people to work.” Additionally, “they can’t afford to commute” should be “they can’t afford to commute due to health problems.”
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of computer-based technology and how it may replace people’s jobs in the future. The writer takes a clear position that this development is largely beneficial, despite a few drawbacks. However, the argument could be more fully developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential drawbacks. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a more thorough analysis of the potential drawbacks of computer-based technology.